You met this girl and you think she’s absolutely gorgeous. She’s not only beautiful; she’s intelligent, fun, interesting, friendly, and sexy. The second you met her you just knew you wanted to be her boyfriend.
There was only just one problem… How do you make her yours?
Countless men who find themselves in such a situation think that becoming friends before demonstrating their attraction to a girl is useful or even a must to eventually get sexual with her. They think that to make a beautiful and interesting girl your girlfriend, you first have to become her friend. If you’re not friends with her, the belief goes, you should not demonstrate any attraction for her yet, as you cannot just do that. Whenever you ask for an explanation, though, they never really have a valid argument.
The truth is that if you are looking for any kind of sexual relationship with any woman, becoming friends with her never is needed and actually is extremely counterproductive. Indeed, you most definitely have to be friendly with her, but being friendly is a big difference from becoming somebody’s friend.
Eventually, whenever such men finally indicate even the slightest amount of attraction to the girl, for example, when they get too drunk or when they get too emotional, she tells them to “better stay friends”, or “don’t be so silly! You’re like my big/little brother!”. As soon as these men understand they got “friend zoned” they get emotionally devastated. All that time together, all those fun things they did, all those investments he made from his side to make her his girlfriend; it all ended up with nothing but friendship, and that was the last thing he actually wanted. He wanted her, sexually. Not just personally.
How come so many men make this mistake? Why are they investing so much time in this “friend zone” when there are much better ways to make a woman attracted to you? How can you avoid the friend zone and do the right thing instead? Read on, because as of today, you will never make this same mistake again.
Why do men get “friend zoned” all the time, especially by sexy girls?
The reason why many men get friend zoned is simple. When any particular woman gets to know you, you fall in either one of these three categories in her unconscious mind:
- Possible acquaintance.
- Possible friend.
- Possible sexual mate.
- Avoid him completely.
The reason is that women instinctively and unconsciously do this because of their more tactile way of thinking. This is hardwired into their brains, because as a physically more vulnerable gender they have to be more tactile than men in order to compensate for men’s physical advantage over women.
Let’s look at each of the first three zones individually so you can better understand what’s happening in women’s minds. Obviously, we don’t need to cover the 4th point, as you’ll simply fall into this zone whenever you behave like a complete moron, and that’s not you.
1. The acquaintance zone
When a girl meets you and doesn’t feel any attraction or (in)direct love for you, you’ll fall in the acquaintance zone. Compared to the friend zone, this zone is a great place to be if you want to be sexual or friends with her. The reason is because she didn’t decide much about you yet.
You fall in this zone whenever you have seen or introduced each other, and haven’t had much more communication together. Of course, if she fancy’s you for whatever reason you may immediately fall in zone three: the sexual mate zone.
2. The friend zone
If you just want to be friends with her, this is of course also an awesome place to be. She has internally and unconsciously decided that you are a friendly guy with whom she has built some rapport. In this friend zone the girl likes you, just not sexually. This can have several reasons:
- You haven’t showed any signs of masculinity (e.g. being direct, thinking out loud, confidence, strong eye contact, attractive body language, etc).
- You haven’t showed any signs of charm (e.g. not complimenting, insulting her or others, making jokes at the expense of her or others, etc).
- You haven’t showed any signs of responsibility (e.g. not leading, making a move when you can, etc).
- She has picked up on your signs of attraction to her, but also that you’re afraid or nervous to make those feelings clear (again, a lack of masculinity).
If you fall into this zone, you have to understand that it is very tough to get out of it; especially when you have been in it for a long time. Generally speaking, the longer you are within her friend zone, the more difficult it will be to ever get sexual with her. So if you are reading this because you fancy a girl you’ve been friends with for years, chances are you’ll never get into her pants. Get over it, though, as this simply means she is not the one for you. There is an absolute abundance of sexy, intelligent, beautiful, interesting, fun, sweet, and lovely women in the world. Yes, plenty of women with all of these qualities and more! You just have to put yourself out there and take action.
However, giving it a shot never is a bad idea!
3. The sexual mate zone
This is the place you want to be in – of course, if you are sexually attracted to the girl. Basically, you always fall into this zone whenever you can tick all of the below boxes:
- She’s not lesbian
- She’s feminine
- She’s not in love with someone else
- She is sexual
- You have presented yourself masculine (confident and responsible).
- You have presented yourself charming (she feels attractive towards you, and you haven’t positioned yourself as a player).
- You have made it at least somewhat clear you feel attracted towards her.
Remember, you need to be able to tick all of the above boxes to be certain she considers you as a sexual mate. So if you have done everything right, but she is not feminine, she still might find you uninteresting regardless of your masculinity and charm. This does not mean you won’t make any chances, it just won’t be a guarantee that she’ll see you as a potential mate.
Also, it’s certainly not a must to have ticked all of the above boxes before she’ll be interested. These are just guidelines which have worked for me and countless of other men.
How to get out of the friend zone
It’s important I have made the above points clear before providing you with the solution of getting out of the friend zone. The thing is that, I could immediately start off with this part of the article, but then you would probably find yourself in the exact same spot not long from now with another girl. Now, at least you know how to never fall into the friend zone again.
Before we proceed I just want to advise you to get very clear on how to apply the above so that you’ll never fall into the friend zone again should you fancy a future sexy girl. So if you’re unclear on any of the above points make sure to read some other articles on The Superior Man after finishing this one. Also, remember that the sexier and more beautiful a girl is, the easier it is to mess up quickly.
Alright. So here’s the exact blueprint I used myself and have given to countless men to get out of the friend zone. It works really well if you apply it in the correct way. Also, like I said before, keep in mind that the longer you are friends with her the more difficult it will be to change the positioning of your relationship together.
1. Start to subtly position the relationship as more than just friends.
The first thing you have to do is start positioning the relationship as more than just friends. What this means is that you start conversing and looking at her in a different way. Specifically, more flirtatious and intimate. For example, if you beforehand would only talk about things friends talk about, such as work, family and interests, now is a great time to extend that spectrum to include topics such as attraction, sex, love, etc. Don’t go too far with it, just subtly change the topics of conversation to ones that couples or intimate partners would talk about.
If she finds it odd or weird you are bringing up such topics, take a step back and be more subtle. At the other hand, if she is receptive or enjoys talking about such topics then definitely continue and gently increase the volume of these topics in your conversation.
It is important to note that if she keeps saying it is odd or weird to talk about these things, chances are you won’t be able to pull it off. Remember that for every step in this equation.
2.Start flirting subtly with her.
Once you got the ball rolling, it is time to introduce some flirting. Be very careful with this initially. Do it too much in the beginning, and she’ll creep out on you. You don’t want to make it obvious at this stage that you are flirting with her. Rather, you want her to feel familiar and comfortable with the fact that you can talk about more than just things that friends talk about.
Start off smiling at her more. If you already do this a lot, great! If not, introduce it more. Also introduce some sexual innuendo’s and such.
Next, look into her eyes more intensely whenever you (non-verbally) communicate. Again, be very careful not to creep her out. Do it subtly at this stage. It is also important to note that whenever you look at a woman you should always have somewhat of a smile on your face. Otherwise, it can easily be interpreted as staring or looking at her in a creepy way.
Finally, compliment her here and there. Tell her how good she smells (if she does), how beautiful she looks, that you like the texture of her hair (if you do), how beautiful she painted her nails, etc. Always make sure that you are sincere and genuine with your compliments. A fake compliment, especially with an agenda in mind, is very easy to be noticed; especially for women, as they are naturally more tactile than men.
Make sure you do all of this in the correct order, and that whenever she finds it odd whatever you’re doing you immediately take a step back! Don’t worry, a few moments later you can subtly introduce it again. Your main goal at this stage is to keep her comfortable while you subtly but surely change the notion of your conversation.
3. Touch her more.
Once you’ve successfully done step 1 and 2, it is time to introduce more touching. Again, do this subtly. You certainly don’t want to look at wherever you’re touching her while you are touching her. That would be very weird and unnatural. Rather, you want to introduce natural and relaxing touches. Whenever you two laugh, add a slight touch on the shoulder or arm as a sign of companionship. If she accepts or reciprocates without appearing creeped out, continue and introduce it more often. At this point, you only want to touch her in ways friends would touch her too, just increase it slightly and subtly.
Also, if you are naturally not a touchy guy, e.g. you are not raised in an affectionate family, this might mean you’ll have to do a bit more conscious effort on this part. Just keep it all simple and relaxed. Anything I teach should never feel like something unnatural. Continue and practice, if necessary, with other girls.
4. Increase the flirting.
Next, you want to increase the flirting. If she is still relaxed and at ease at this point it means you are doing very well. Now would be the time to actually flirt with her. Don’t immediately do this, though, after having reached step 3. You should definitely leave some time and space in between these steps as it otherwise might feel for her that everything is going way too fast, and that in turn will make her feel at least slightly uncomfortable.
If you’ve taken enough time and you can clearly see she is still comfortable with everything, introduce more touching in a slightly sexual way. You could, for example, at this stage intentionally hold her hands and tell her how soft they are. If she enjoys or approves of it, you could a few moments later stroke her hair and tell her that it is really beautiful or that it smells really good (if it does!). Again, if she finds this weird, take a big step back and always focus on making her feel comfortable. No need to worry, since having reached this stage means you almost always can pull the sex off successfully.
You have to understand that she already feels very comfortable with you, just not in a sexual manner yet. Do this correctly, have a bit of patience at times, and you will get her in bed.
Also, you can start to non-verbally compliment her at this stage by taking a thorough look at her body and making it quite obvious, while you verbally tell her how good she looks. Make sure to always be sincere and specific with your compliments!
Finally, if you have reached this stage it is truly time to escalate the whole thing. Now would be the correct time to make a move on her. Either do it unexpectedly, or make clear that you really like her and that you want to kiss her. For example, you could just lean in for the kiss after having a natural moment of silence in your conversation. Look her in the eyes, smile, touch her anywhere on or above the hips, lean in, and kiss her. You’d rather want this moment to appear natural than all of a sudden.
Chances are she might put up some or a lot of resistance. Do not panic! This is very normal; especially if you have been friends. For example, if she pulls away her head and says you are silly right after you try to kiss her, take it easy, smile, acknowledge her feelings, tell her you just can’t help it, and change the topic of conversation. Focus on making her feel more comfortable again, and try again a few moments later. By the 2nd to 3rd time you should be able to pull it off successfully. But if not, always remember that your main objective is to keep her as comfortable as she can be.
After having kissed her you know what to do, I assume! Simply continue and don’t pull away before she does. You want to appear as charming as you can be at this stage, so show her you really enjoy touching and kissing her. It’s never a bad idea to take a step back, unless you really get sexual with her and she enjoys it. So don’t worry if the conversation suddenly goes back to normal after having kissed each other. At any time, you can easily introduce a flirtatious topic again, compliment her, touch her, and consequently get sexual with her again. It really is that simple at this stage.
You should now have successfully escaped the friend zone!
With this article you should have a very solid foundation for leaving the friend zone. It can be very tough, especially if you have been friends for years, but it is not necessarily impossible. If you follow the steps outlined in this article I sincerely believe you have decent odds at getting her in bed. Just make sure your primary focus is always aimed at keeping her as comfortable as she can be.
Also, if it doesn’t work out and she clearly rejected you, don’t worry my friend! There are literally about 300 million+ extremely beautiful women in the world according to my quick calculations and estimates. If you mess up with one, there will always be more and even better women around the corner. I understand if you are emotionally invested in her, but get it that you can get emotionally invested with so many other amazing women – who will invest their time and emotions in you, too! I can know myself… 😉
Do you have any more tips or advice for getting out of the friend zone? If so, please let all readers know in the comment section below!