Ever heard of the following traditional dating advice myths?
1. “Try to make her laugh”
2. “Make eye contact before approaching her”
3. “Just both drink a few glasses of wine”
4. “Look for signs which tell she likes you”
5. “Neg her to raise your value”
6. “Wait 1 day before calling/texting”
7. “Don’t compliment her on her looks”
8. “Try to build rapport”
9. “Use storytelling to entertain her/show her how cool you are”
10. “Bring out your feminine side”
The list goes on and on. I’m pretty certain you too have come across such advice. Today I want to make something clear: All of the above advice does not influence your attractiveness at all. It’s a complete waste of time to focus on and most of the times is even very counterproductive.
Today I’ll cover for you the above dating advice myths; why they are false, and what you should do instead.
“Try to make her laugh”
Making a woman laugh actually does increase the chances of having sex with her, but that’s not because you make her laugh. It’s simply because of the effect laughing has on not only women, but men as well. When you laugh your brain releases dopamine. Dopamine is a natural drug released by our brains which makes us feel relaxed, positive, sexy, or in other words; comfortable.
Comfortable is what women want to be whenever they are about to be sexual. A woman will actually never have sex with you if you don’t make her feel comfortable enough. Being funny, and making women laugh, does make women feel more comfortable, and in that way, it indeed raises your chances of going to bed with her. But making women laugh is not the best way to make them feel comfortable. Plus, if you are not naturally funny yourself, you shouldn’t be spending any time on becoming funny just for the sake of attracting women.
Remember, it’s the comfort which humor provides that helps you get laid, not the humor itself, so you should focus on making women feel more comfortable. What is the best way to make women feel more comfortable? The answer is extremely simple. Simply be comfortable yourself. All emotions are contagious, therefore, whenever you are very comfortable yourself, you’ll automatically make others feel comfortable too – including beautiful, sexy girls.
Also, if the girl would notice you doing your best to actually make her laugh, you more less messed up all your chances with her – especially if she’s very attractive as such women want a man who doesn’t feel of less worth to them. An attractive, confident man who doesn’t feel inadequate would never intentionally do his best to make a woman laugh, so you shouldn’t either.
“Make eye contact before approaching her”
Men come up with all kind of reasons why you should make eye contact before approaching that sexy girl. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with making eye contact, and holding it in the right way can be extremely attractive, however, in this myth, they teach you to always make eye contact before approaching.
First of all, why would you want to do that? A lot of the times women simply won’t notice you. People are too busy with their own lives to pay attention to others all the time; especially attractive women. If you would set yourself the rule to only approach after having made eye contact, it would mean you’d basically rule out 50%+ of all possible approaches you could make.
Second, most guys don’t have the confidence to hold the kind of eye contact which is very attractive. If you hold eye contact but quickly look away a second later, you basically non-verbally said: “I’m afraid of just looking at you” or “I feel uncertain” or “I feel vulnerable”. You should know why this is very unattractive. If not, read this.
Third, you actually appear more charming when you approach a woman without having made any eye contact at all. Why? Because if you first make eye contact before approaching her, she can interpret you using the eye contact as an excuse to approach her. If you simply did not make any eye contact at all, it would appear more as if you intentionally picked her to approach; thus, she’ll feel more special to you.
“Just both drink a few glasses of wine”
Drinking a bit of alcohol is fine for both of you to relax, but to actually rely on it is just blatantly stupid. First of all, you won’t be able to drive her back to your place.
Second, if you drink too much yourself and you actually do get the chance to have sex with her, chances are you’ll fail miserably.
Third, it’s not always convenient to drink alcohol as the time, the location, or even worse; the girl may not be right for it.
Fourth, if you’re not rich; it’s expensive.
True confident men don’t need to rely on any alcohol at all. Neither do they believe the women they date need it. If you believe you need alcohol to get past any specific stage in seduction, you clearly lack confidence. You should read this.
“Look for signs which tell she likes you”
Women indeed give clues about whether they like you or not. Once you have dated enough women you’ll pick these up naturally, but until that time it’s actually stupid to try to consciously look for clues while being with a sexy girl. The fact of the matter is that women – and everyone else in this case – don’t really think much of you anyways. Sure, if a girl is with you, or she notices you, and she likes you, she’ll behave kind of differently and do her best to be noticed by you. She’ll play with her hair, smile a lot, touch you often, and overall do her best to get your attention. But the chances of that happening are pretty slim, especially if you are reading this article because you’re not happy with your current dating results.
What you should do instead is to forget about all the clues women may give you, and then only focus on getting what you want. You should boldly, directly, and shamelessly flirt with women you find attractive anyways. Once you do that, the girl will either love it, or she’ll reject you for whatever reason. This way you have wasted the least of your time if she doesn’t actually like you, you won’t be emotionally invested in her at all, and you won’t be wasting your time and losing the moment by consciously trying to pickup some non-verbal clues she may give you. Like I said, once you get good enough, and have had enough experience, you’ll naturally pick these up anyways.
“Neg her to raise your value”
This is a horrible one. Negging women means to lower a woman’s value, so that you indirectly raise your own. Only men who are badly influenced by socialization – which are most men – believe negging may actually increase your attractiveness. The reason they think it works is because of their wrong mindset in the first place. They believe they themselves are not good enough for women; therefore, they believe that if you lower the woman’s value by making a negative statement about her, you’ll indirectly raise your own value.
Negging women is actually very counterproductive as first of all; making a woman feel bad about herself will make you appear very uncharming. You want the polar opposite as you want women to feel special to you.
Second, you are not of less worth than any person whatsoever; that includes beautiful girls. You both are of equal worth.
Third, why would you want to make a girl feel bad about herself if you also want her to feel comfortable and relaxed around you? By making her feel bad you actually achieve the polar opposite; she’ll be uncomfortable around you.
Also, you would only neg a woman if you’d feel bad about yourself in the first place, right? That’s the whole point. It comes from the wrong mindset. If you feel bad about yourself, you should work on that first. Start seeing yourself as the most important person in the world. You are that, to you. Read this if you don’t understand what I mean.
In the end, you want a beautiful girl you date to feel good; about both you, herself, and the situation. So compliment her, tell her what you like about her, smile, touch her a lot, express you really enjoy spending time with her; and do it all without appearing shameful, intimidated, unworthy, desperate, or inadequate in any way whatsoever. You will only be perceived as lower value if you actually perceive yourself as such. If so, work on your mindset! Read this.
“Wait 1 day before calling/texting”
Another traditional dating advice myth which, ironically enough, again comes from bad social conditioning. The idea here is, I believe, to appear very important, busy, or non-needy by calling or texting the girl you’ve just approached one or two days later. Why would you want to do that if you are very excited about seeing her?
First of all, there’s nothing wrong with waiting a day before you actually call or text your woman. I do it all the time. However, in this myth, you’re being advised you should do it all the time.
You know, everything that is unnatural in seduction; like pick up lines, playing hard-to-get, and all kind of unnatural “rules” men set for themselves, I find very annoying, unattractive, unnatural, stupid, and simply a by-product of their bad social conditioning.
Let’s make something clear; women are not attracted to fame or fortune. Neither are they attracted to a busy, important schedule, or a man who’s difficult to reach. If they say so, they’re simply linking an effect to the wrong cause; women are attracted to the confidence such men tend to posses.
Second, do you really want to wait 1 or 2 days before calling that beautiful, cute lady you just approached? Or let me put it this way: If you would be 100% certain you could have sex with her tonight, would you still text her 1 or 2 days later? Of course not, as you’d obviously want to see her as soon as possible. (If not, you simply did not approach the right woman.)
Don’t be stupid; be natural, call her, and tell her you want to see her as soon as possible.
“Don’t compliment her on her looks”
I have already covered this myth in this article. You should really check it out as it will open your eyes once again.
“Try to build rapport”
Having rapport with each other is great, as it increases comfort. However, again, you never want to intentionally try to build rapport. Why? Because this way it can turn out very counterproductive. For example, if a woman says she likes salads, and suddenly you say you like salads as well, even though 5 minutes ago you said you kind of dislike most salads; she will notice that you’re trying too hard to get her approval. That is very unattractive behavior to her.
Also, by actually trying to build rapport you can appear feminine as some things that women like to do are simply things that only mostly women do. For example, in the traditional dating advice, you get advised you should copy women’s body language to increase rapport. This is can be extremely counterproductive as women’s body language is feminine. Yours should be masculine, which is, obviously, the complete polar opposite of feminine body language.
So what should you do instead to build rapport? Simply think aloud. Thinking aloud means to say whatever is on your mind, whenever you feel like it; as long as it stays confident, charming, and responsible. If you don’t say any things which make you appear unconfident, uncharming, or irresponsible; you’re good to go. To learn more about confidence, charm, and responsibility, check out the article series: “What women want in a man“.
Also, there’s nothing wrong with actually breaking rapport every now and then. It makes you appear more dominant (therefore attractive), because it’s good to have your own opinion and values. Besides, if a girl really likes you, she will do her best to qualify herself to you by trying herself to build rapport with you. Once this happens, simply let her do her thing while you enjoy the show and prepare for your next move. By this time she’ll probably be yours anyways.
“Use storytelling to entertain her/demonstrate how cool you are”
Stories are only good if they are told in a good way. The most boring thing ever is to have someone tell you a boring story, or a good story but in a very boring way. What’s even worse is when a guy intentionally tries to convey his importance or wealth through a story.
A lot of guys believe storytelling is important because it can keep a woman engaged. But why would you want to have women engaged in a (boring) story about yourself? Wouldn’t you much rather have her engaged in a bold, sexy, flirtatious conversation about her and the both of you? I know I would. I’d much rather tell a woman how beautiful I think she is, how sexy she walks, how good she smells, and how intelligent I think she is – than to tell her about my trip to Vegas where I spent $25.000, drove in a $1 million limousine with 10 hot girls, and had a drink with the casino manager in the special, ultra, VIP, platinum, gold, black lobby.
The fact of the matter is; if you’re not naturally a good storyteller, you shouldn’t tell stories for the sake of keeping women engaged. There are too many ways you can appear unattractive this way; by appearing needy, trying too hard, and even desperate.
Instead, focus on flirting with her. Talk about you, her, and the both of you. Actually, talk more about her than yourself. Talk about how beautiful, intelligent, or interesting she is. How you think she would be a great girlfriend for you, how you’d love to spend lots of time with her etc. Start talking about things you both like, what you both could do in the future, and how you both can have a great time. This is far more interesting to women, and will keep women far more engaged than talking about how you were one day driving in your new BMW and decided to stop by a Michelin star restaurant to have lunch.
“Bring out your feminine side”
I have kept the best one – or actually the worst one – for the last. Why would you ever want to appear feminine being a heterosexual guy?
This myth is actually preached mainly by women. Most men will understand that appearing feminine will never get them the women they truly desire, but those who are influenced the most by bad social conditioning (men who have watched too many romantic Hollywood movies) believe that it could actually work to express and tell women about your vulnerabilities.
If you don’t understand why appearing feminine is extremely counterproductive, read this.
So there you have it! 10 traditional dating advice myths for men which can be very counterproductive. If you avoid just these 10 myths I believe you should really see a big difference in your results with attractive women. Are there any more myths you’ve encountered? I bet there are. Share them in the comment section below so I can write a new article for you with another 10 new myths!